When self checks become ritual

Late last spring I was convinced by a friend to institute self-checks as part of good practice in spiritual preparation for entering into worship.  The best worship environment happens when we let go of the world and the focus on God, so for the last year my self check has been Luke 10:24.  I found it is a great reminder of who I'm serving, and why the music is much more than just a performance.  It has been very calming in moments of nervous anticipation; a reflecting on the greatest commandment which yields 'self' to the service of God and others from the depths of my heart.

Today I didn't feel any peace accompanying the creed.  In fact I found myself in a moment despair; realizing for the last month or so the creed had become a ritual.  The count down to beginning of the service was close and found only seconds left, and suddenly that overwhelming nervous feeling has resurface in a new way.  'Oh come on now, what a strange time for the realization that I've going through the motions.  I don't have time for this..  Ok so how do I best serve God in this moment?'

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

 'With all your strength'..  I am bass player, I need to be strong, be a conduit for energy, drive the music, and make some joyous noise.

It turned out to be a great worship service.